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8 Bits of Hilarious Retro Dating Advice ...

By Kati

Retro dating advice has become my go-to place for laughs. It should have been obvious, really – getting dating advice from the parents can be funny enough, and they aren’t that old (snigger). Just recently, I came across some retro dating advice from the 1930s which is just GOLDDUST. Imagine living like this?!

1 Don’t Be Sentimental

Don’t Be SentimentalAs retro dating advice goes, this is classic. Some of what they say is inadvertently true…trying to get someone to say something that they don’t want to say, or something that they don’t actually believe, isn’t likely to end well for anyone. I mean, if they wanted to say it, they would – coercion isn’t necessary. And it’s probably true that men don’t like women crying, because most people don’t like to see others upset, especially if they don’t know how to help. The overarching tone is hilarious, though…don’t be sentimental. Damn people, having emotions. CONTROL YOURSELVES!

2 Don’t Use the Car Mirror

Don’t Use the Car MirrorThinking of applying your make-up in the car? At least take your own mirror. As this handy dating advice points out, “man needs it in driving, and it annoys him very much to have to turn around and see what’s behind him.” Don’t worry about your safety, or anything. Just don’t annoy “man” by making him have to put any effort in. Sigh. (Do take your own mirror, though. Car mirrors aren’t for make-up.)

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3 Don’t Sit Awkwardly

Don’t Sit AwkwardlyAnd while you’re at it, never look bored. We don’t care what you are doing, or what you’d rather be doing, you should look enthusiastic and grateful all the time. Who knows what type of awkward position this is on about…

4 Don’t Dress in Front of Him

Don’t Dress in Front of HimAnd for gods sake, don’t keep him waiting. He’ll expect you to time yourself well, so that you’re ready when it’s time to leave. Again, the principle here is okay – it’s bad manners to keep anyone waiting – but if it’s five minutes, you’re probably going to be okay, unless you make it a regular thing.

5 Don’t Be Careless

Don’t Be CarelessRemember where you are and what you’re doing at all times. If you’re dancing, don’t be tempted to talk. Remember that if he’s dancing, he wants to dance. If he’s talking, he wants to talk. I think you can probably safely discard this one…if he’s dancing with you but he doesn’t want to talk to you, you can do better. Much better.

6 If You Need a Brassiere, Wear One

If You Need a Brassiere, Wear OneI’m not quite sure where they were going with this dating advice. Well, I am – look perfect, at all times. But being told to wear a bra cracked me up, especially if you read it in a bossy man’s voice. The updated version of this advice would probably be that it’s better to wear underwear, and make sure that it fits well to avoid embarrassment. That carefully placed micro-crop-top might look super-cute now, but you can guarantee it’ll be falling down once you’ve had a few.

7 Don’t Be Familiar with the Headwaiter

Don’t Be Familiar with the HeadwaiterBeen here before? Keep it to yourself. Man doesn’t want to hear about your past dates, and he deserves your full attention. Well, it’s good courtesy to give whomever you are with your full attention, so put your phone on silent and put it away. It’s pretty bad form to talk about dates with other people, too, unless you know your partner will be okay with it!

8 Don’t Get Drunk

Don’t Get DrunkThere were at least four or five pieces of hilarious retro dating advice that boil down to – don’t drink too much. Which isn’t bad advice, really. It can be pretty easy to slip into the habit of having a glass or two to calm your nerves! Don’t worry about looking silly, though. Worry more about staying safe, and keeping healthy.

Have you heard any hilarious retro dating advice? Whether it’s from a book or from your grandparents, I’d love to hear the gems that they’ve passed on to you!

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