Having a Costco membership is special. I mean, it's not hard to get one if you're willing to pay for the privilege, so it's not completely exclusive or anything, it's just … well, the membership is incidental, really. It's simply the Golden Ticket you need to reach the wonder of Costco. And there, my friends, there waits a world of magical experiences.
1 The Promise of Free Samples
They never stand a chance. You are willing to try everything because it costs nothing.
2 What It's like when Everyone else Has the Same Idea as You
You have to feel sorry for the people manning the sample tables. We attack like a school of sharks.
3 The Endless Lines on Weekends
So many people, so many overloaded carts, so many huge vats of things.
4 Fighting for Your Place among All the Other Shoppers in General
They're just everywhere – with every right to be there, of course, but that does not matter because this is your Costco.
5 Dealing with That One D-bag Who's Always Exactly Where You Want to Be
It's just … it's just that there's so much of Costco to get through. There simply is not time to navigate certain situations that impede your progress. One time I ran into a barricade of high chairs lined up in the aisle.
6 The Sheer, Awe-inspiring Size of the Snack Aisles
So many snacks in such ginormous quantities, it's like munchies heaven.
7 That Overwhelming Need to Buy an Overabundance of Everything
Don't get me wrong, it's practical to buy huge packs of toilet paper, laundry detergent, and things like that, but that industrial-sized bag of Pizza Rolls is just next level. …actually, is that a real thing?
8 Trying to Dodge the Pushy Salespeople
They are very aggressive. Like, very aggressive. That's annoying … until you happen to need whatever they're offering.
9 Gearing up to Get in and out as Quickly as Possible
And the triumph when you clock in at less than half an hour!
10 When Someone else is All up in Your Aisle
Especially when it happens more than once. Because, again, this is your Costco.
11 Discovering the Booze Section for the First Time
There's nothing like it. All that liquor. Such huge quantities.
12 Getting Stuck Listening to a Vitamin Pitch
13 The Willa Wonka Wonderland That is the Candy Aisle
I can't even think about it without getting the tingles, tbh.
14 Trying to Follow a Massive Costco List via Text
It's worse if you write it down, though. Keeping up with paper in Costco is difficult.
15 The First Time You Run into That One Couple
You know. The couple who's more than happy to, ahem, try out the chairs or futons or mattresses.
16 Realizing How Much Money You Actually Spent
It's always so much. So much money.
17 But You Know You're Always Prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse
Costco turns all of us into preppers.
And don't even get me started on trying Costco food for the first time. What's your favorite big-big-big box store experience?
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