You don't need to drink in order to have a good time at a party or while hanging out with friends. If you're out with a group of people whom you desperately want to fit in with, you can still turn down drink offers without seeming "uncool." The best way to do that is by making a joke out of the situation. If you're not sure of what you should say, here are a few funny ways to turn down alcohol:
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1. I Don’t Need to Loosen up. I Just Got It Together
Most social drinkers consume alcohol in order to "get loose." It helps them let go of their inhibitions so they can talk to others without second guessing everything they say. However, there's no reason for you to loosen up when you finally got your life together, now is there?
2. I Don’t Look Good in a Lamp Shade
You've probably seen cliche pictures of partiers wearing lamp shades as hats. That's why you should use this silly excuse to keep your friends from handing you drinks. Of course, you could also say, "It took me forever to do my hair. A lamp shade would mess it all up."
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Besides, who wants to become the next viral meme? Try getting them to crack a smile by saying, "I'm actually auditioning for a role as a teetotaler in an upcoming play, and I've got to stay in character." Sure, it sounds ridiculous, but who can argue with such a steadfast commitment to the arts? As they chuckle at your creative spirit, you'll steer clear of the drinks and the dreaded lamp shade look. Remember, keeping it light and funny can often disarm even the pushiest partygoer.
3. I'm Saving My Brain Cells for Science
It's actually a myth that drinking alcohol kills brain cells, but your friends probably don't know that. That's why you should use this excuse. Not only will it get you off the hook for turning down drinks, but it'll make your friends rethink their own decision to drink.
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To back your claim with a dash of scientific flair, you can further explain that alcohol does affect neurotransmitters and brain communication pathways, which might impact your long-term cognitive abilities. Emphasize, with a knowing wink, that you're keeping those neurons firing at full capacity for the greater good of humankind. Who knows? You could have the brain that cures the common cold, and you wouldn't want to jeopardize that with a tipsy night out, right? Plus, it'll give everyone a good laugh while they picture you in a lab coat saving the world, one sober day at a time.
4. I Can’t. I Have to Perform Brain Surgery in the Morning
You can come up with any silly lie that you want about what you have to do in the morning. You can say that you need to fly your jetpack to space or that you need to hunt monsters with Sam and Dean. If your friends are already drunk, then they won't question a word that you say.
5. I'm Pregnant with Benedict Cumberbatch’s Baby
Everyone knows that it's dangerous to drink when you're pregnant. That's why you should use your baby as an excuse--just make sure that you claim you're having a celebrity's baby so that everyone understands you're making a joke. Otherwise, you'll be the hot topic of the night.
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6. I Promised My Boyfriend I Wouldn’t Embarrass Him Tonight
If you have a boyfriend, then you can use him as an excuse not to drink. After all, when people consume too much alcohol, they tend to get sloppy and do things they regret. Your friends will understand that you value your boyfriend's respect over alcohol, so this excuse shouldn't get any weird looks.
7. Sorry, I Only Drink the Expensive Stuff
If your hostess tries to make you feel like a loser for turning down a drink, then you should use this line. It'll turn the situation around and make her look bad for buying such cheap beer. It's a low blow, but she deserves it if she's going to judge you for something as silly as being sober.
You should never feel embarrassed about turning down drinks at a party. After all, it's a great thing that you should be proud of! What other funny ways can you think of to turn down a drink offer?
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Comments
Island: By far the easiest way for me to turn down the drink was, "For religious reasons, I have decided not to drink. " People can't force you to drink. And if you don't want to play that faith card, and never drank before, tell them that you don't want to embarrass yourself by drinking it for the first time. (Make sure boys are not interested in seeing you getting drunk.)
Wendy: "I'm saving my brain cells for science" that's funny and cute! :-)
Sharon: Alcohol stunts my growth. (I'm 6'2)
MamaKush: I only drink the expensive shit. Haha!
Isabella: Alcohol isn't always the first thing I think about to have a good night - I had a rare girls' night in with my fiancé's sister and we had a very fun (sober) night (:
peony: Hahahha I don't drink but I just usually politely refuse but some of them are funny
Dora: Nice going ,if embarrassing yourself is your goal "I don't look good in a lampshade" how did you come up with this useless advice ?
alka: @MamaKush Exactly! And usually just saying No thanks with a smile does the trick for me.
Alyx: Or just say "I have to drive" or just plain "no thanks, I'm good with water/pop". I don't drink much, and have dealt with people pushing alcohol on me. Just say no and tell them to stop if they pressure you. If they seriously judge you for staying sober, leave. They aren't worth your time.
_niiiiiaaaaa: can't jog early in the morning. :)
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