You don't need to drink in order to have a good time at a party or while hanging out with friends. If you're out with a group of people whom you desperately want to fit in with, you can still turn down drink offers without seeming "uncool." The best way to do that is by making a joke out of the situation. If you're not sure of what you should say, here are a few funny ways to turn down alcohol:
1. I Don’t Need to Loosen up. I Just Got It Together
Most social drinkers consume alcohol in order to "get loose." It helps them let go of their inhibitions so they can talk to others without second guessing everything they say. However, there's no reason for you to loosen up when you finally got your life together, now is there?
2. I Don’t Look Good in a Lamp Shade
You've probably seen cliche pictures of partiers wearing lamp shades as hats. That's why you should use this silly excuse to keep your friends from handing you drinks. Of course, you could also say, "It took me forever to do my hair. A lamp shade would mess it all up."
3. I'm Saving My Brain Cells for Science
It's actually a myth that drinking alcohol kills brain cells, but your friends probably don't know that. That's why you should use this excuse. Not only will it get you off the hook for turning down drinks, but it'll make your friends rethink their own decision to drink.
4. I Can’t. I Have to Perform Brain Surgery in the Morning
You can come up with any silly lie that you want about what you have to do in the morning. You can say that you need to fly your jetpack to space or that you need to hunt monsters with Sam and Dean. If your friends are already drunk, then they won't question a word that you say.
5. I'm Pregnant with Benedict Cumberbatch’s Baby
Everyone knows that it's dangerous to drink when you're pregnant. That's why you should use your baby as an excuse--just make sure that you claim you're having a celebrity's baby so that everyone understands you're making a joke. Otherwise, you'll be the hot topic of the night.
6. I Promised My Boyfriend I Wouldn’t Embarrass Him Tonight
If you have a boyfriend, then you can use him as an excuse not to drink. After all, when people consume too much alcohol, they tend to get sloppy and do things they regret. Your friends will understand that you value your boyfriend's respect over alcohol, so this excuse shouldn't get any weird looks.
7. Sorry, I Only Drink the Expensive Stuff
If your hostess tries to make you feel like a loser for turning down a drink, then you should use this line. It'll turn the situation around and make her look bad for buying such cheap beer. It's a low blow, but she deserves it if she's going to judge you for something as silly as being sober.
You should never feel embarrassed about turning down drinks at a party. After all, it's a great thing that you should be proud of! What other funny ways can you think of to turn down a drink offer?