I'm not going to say we're all secretly mean girls, but we do mean things. You know we do. All of us do. Men, women, boys, girls, kids – we're all mean sometimes. You can be the nicest person in the world and a little bit of meanness will occasionally sneak out. Don't believe me? I defy you to read this and act like you haven't been mean at least once.
I have no siblings, but I used to do this with the cousins I didn't like. Kids are stupid so it always worked. Did it work for you?
You shouldn't do this. It's bad manners and it usually makes things worse. … but it's so tempting sometimes, isn't it? Besides, there are times when the best point you can make involves hanging up the phone. It's a shame that everyone uses cell phones now, though. There's nothing quite like the satisfying crash of a landline.
This is only mean if your prank is really mean. Otherwise, it's just a weird cross between charming and annoying.
This is only mean if you ruin the item purposely – kind of. Because I imagine it still seems pretty crappy to the person who lent you whatever you ruined.
Bestie, partner, parent – you know you steal clothes without asking.
If you forget, that's one thing. If you fail to record your partner's show because it interferes with one of yours, though, that's cold.
Guilty. Guilty all day, every day. Jeez, I lie a lot. I need to stop that.
Guilty. Guilty all day, every day. Sorry, Heather.
Or your wife. Or your boyfriend. Or your friend. Whatever. This is mean.
Okay, this is just icy. I mean, this is cold. You possibly deserve to get punched right in the face if you do this.
Guilty all day, every day. If there is chocolate in this house and no one else touches it in twenty-four hours, it becomes mine.
This is on the more innocent end of the spectrum, but it counts. I have actually never done this. My social anxiety is so far-reaching that I actively fear someone yelling at me over a prank call. I'm lame.
If you do this to anyone, ever, you are the devil and I do not want to be friends with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Oh, wait. I've done this, too. Oops!
Or anywhere else, really. Passive aggression is such a manipulative little mind-game.
Oh, I know you've done this. I know you've gossiped about a colleague, a friend, a mutual acquaintance – someone. Stop being mean!
Oh, I feel like an asshole any time I yell at my dogs for anything. I feel like the meanest person in the world.
Are you secretly mean, even when you don't really mean to be?
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