Do you ever sit in your office and wonder about the reasons why the worst co-workers are the most successful? Successful people are the best sort of people. They have all the charm of a carrot cake and everything goes right for them. If you want to do better at work and climb the career ladder, it will help to recognize the reasons why the worst co-workers are the most successful and develop some of their habits. (But with a pinch of salt as I don’t recommend you take this advice too seriously!)
1. Successful People Will Bounce Ideas off Their Friends
Reasons why the worst co-workers are the most successful is they brainstorm a lot. When a successful person has an idea, he or she may decide to bounce that idea off a few friends to see how it plays out. This is done by finding some large smooth pebbles and writing ideas on them before bouncing them off the heads of their unsuspecting friends during their kids’ baseball games.
2. Successful People Will Get Important Things Done First
This includes deciding which of the staff to flirt with to the point of sexual harassment, and deciding which of their loyal friends are going to take the fall for the blunder he or she did yesterday.
3. Successful People Will Always Care about Results
Successful people are very conscientious about results. You often hear them shouting in their office as the racing results come in. And, you will often hear them on the phone talking to their mistresses and asking what the results are, or shouting down the phone at their toy boys because their results were positive.
4. Successful People Will Not Fear Government Welfare
A successful person is not scared by the idea of losing a job and going on welfare. A successful person is not scared of welfare. In fact, a successful person is so unafraid of welfare that he or she will often sign up with numerous different passports to prove that he or she is not afraid of welfare.
5. Successful People Will Share Resources
You can be sure of a lift home, or a cigarette or two, if you help him or her finish his or her report for the big boss tomorrow. They are always happy to share the flu with you so you can get time off work too. If they have responsibilities, then they are always happy to share them with their work colleagues and friends.
6. Successful People Will Be Positive
They are always positive. For example, when they go to work they often volunteer for work they cannot finish, but they still volunteer anyway because they have a positive attitude. They also volunteer for projects that are bound to fail because they have a positive attitude. They are often very sad when they discover there is no point in working because the project is due to fail anyway.
7. Successful People Will Develop Ideas
They are often gaseous pearls of wisdom that are released during elevator rides. They often have very burp-related ideas after drinking all your fizzy soda from the company fridge, and they are never short of ideas when it comes to arranging the staff outing.
8. Successful People Will Appreciate Their Own Productive Time
A successful person is at his or her most productive when being paid for doing nothing. In essence, funny or not, it is true that if you are being paid whilst doing nothing, then you are at peak efficiency when it comes to your personal productivity.
9. Successful People Will Always Get the Job Done
They always make sure you are doing your work correctly. They will be sure to motivate you to do your work, and as gratitude for their nagging, you should put their name on your project too, otherwise it is like you were stealing the successful person’s time and advice.
10. Successful People Will Meditate Frequently
You will often see successful people meditating at work. They often spend hours in silence at their desks, with their eyes closed, quietly meditating. They may even chant sometimes that they disguise as snoring.
11. Successful People Will Help You Lose Weight
They will chase you down for help with their project, which helps you get lots of exercise ducking them, and they will often steal your lunch to make sure you do not put on too much weight. They especially love the taste of your diabetic candy.
If you think the world isn’t fair and you’re not getting your due reward at work, perhaps there’s an answer in these reasons why the worst co-workers are the most successful. If you’re going to try them out, don’t blame me if everyone starts to ignore you at the water cooler!
Do you recognize these traits among your co-workers? Heaven forbid!