So, you've just landed that dream job and you're über excited to get started, but before you begin it may be wise to take heed of some of the worst things to say on your first day at work. The work place is an interesting setting where you're thrown together with different personalities. It's usually protocol to be on your best behaviour on your first day, to make it clear to the powers that be that they have made the best decision in hiring you. The worst things to say on your first day at work should therefore be reserved for at least a week or so later.
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"so, Who do I Have to Sleep with around Here to Get a Promotion?"
This is probably one of the worst things to say on your first day at work. It doesn't make you look particularly professional and although you may be keen to climb the ranks, try and do so without de-robing and resorting to the old-fashioned way. Hard work will work just as well but, admittedly, may take you a little longer. Leave this as your last resort. In time, you will find out whom you need to sleep with to get to the top.
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"Who Wants to See My Breasts First?!"
If you're a man, obviously you may want to replace the aforementioned anatomical parts. Or maybe you're particularly well-endowed in the breast department, we don't judge here on AWS. But don't be an exhibitionist in the work place on your first day. At least save it for the office party - that's what they're made for!
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"so, You're the B@%*!^ That Got the Role I Really Wanted?"
Firstly, make nice and don't use expletives in the work place, especially on your first day. Maybe wait a week or so before you start peppering the air with profanities. And secondly, try and make sure you're not bitter in the face of defeat. It will make you look like a poor loser. Instead, befriend the b@%*!^.
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"I Hold Weekly Satanic Rituals at My Place Every Saturday, to Which You're All Invited - Feel Free to Bring Your Pets."
Remember, keep religion and politics out of the picture and out of the work place. What you do at the weekend should be reserved for close family and friends only.
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"What do You Mean That's an Inappropriate Screen Saver? Oh, That's Your Husband..."
The world is becoming a smaller place, and finding out that your crush is in fact the significant other of a work colleague is guaranteed to make things difficult for you. Be sure to choose a neutral screen saver and go for the safer kitten option rather than men in briefs.
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Happiness depends upon ourselves.
"I Baked Cookies for Everyone - Leave That One on the Far Right, It's for the Boss and Should Put Her out of Action for about a Week. You're Welcome!"
One sure-fire way to make your first day your last day is to bring your poisonous plans to everyone's attention. At least keep it to yourself!
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"Signed Photocopies of My Butt Cheeks, Anyone?"
Remember, the photocopier is not made for that and no one wants a copy of your posterior for posterity! Again, this is something which should be saved for the office party (which is another thing the office party is made for). Or at least save it for when you have passed your probationary period.
These are just a few things you shouldn't say on your very first day at work. Maybe you have heard some classic lines at work which have made you wince. I would love to hear them.
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