People drink. It happens. Sometimes you get tipsy, sometimes you get drunk, sometimes you get blitzed out of your head. Sometimes you're nice when you're drunk, sometimes you're morose, and sometimes you're kind of a jerk. If you're not sure what kind of type you are, read on. Protip: if you recognize these experiences, your drunk self is probably kind of a booger.
1 You Frequently Wake up to Find You've Sent Texts like This
Usually at some ungodly hour, when sane and sober people are sleeping. Everybody hates drunk you.
2 Sometimes You Make Your Drunk Self Look like a Jerk
You're good for a laugh, though. I mean, everyone is laughing at you, not with you, but still.
3 Finding Uber Receipts for Truly Epic Trips
Drunk you is probably bad at directions.
4 Your Drunk Self Abuses Household Appliances
This is not right.
5 Drunk You Has No Respect for the Rules
This is only jerk behavior to the other people in the drive-thru, though. I mean, this lovely lady in search of her burger fix clearly knows she is not fit to be behind the wheel.
6 You Are Also Unkind to Pizza
You think you are hiding a snack for later, but you are not.
7 Drunk You Corrupts Your Sober Self
You are your own worst troll.
8 Sometimes You Look like a Jerk in Front of the Police
They then have to pry you out of a child's seat.
9 Drunk You is Not Nice to People Who Visit Your Bathroom
10 Drunk You Ends up in Bad Places
You should be able to go through life without waking up in a urinal, is what I'm trying to say.
11 Your Drunk Self Sabotages Your Lifeline
Seriously, your phone is not going to charge like that.
12 Drunk You is Bad at Meeting Celebrities
Your beer goggles prevent you from seeing the truth.
13 Drunk You Misuses Tools
To be fair, however, both manual and electric can openers can be tricky under the best of circumstances.
14 Your Drunk Self is a Table Hog
Your servers hate you. At least you go to Burger King.
15 You Try to Blind People
16 You Kill Things
Okay, I'll admit a moth is probably scary when you're drunk, but also, it's a moth. This moth had a little family and a little life and little hopes and dreams. And now it is dead.
17 Drunk You Breaks Everything
This is why we can't have anything nice.
18 You Insert Your Drunk Self into the Lives of Other People
You better watch yourself. You might accidentally end up with a second family or something.
19 You're Even a Jerk to Yourself when You're Drunk
How does all that emptiness taste?
Be honest. Is your drunk self kind of a jerk?
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