Whenever you feel like there's male shortage in your life, remember there are certain men who will be with you for all eternity. These men pop up on a daily basis. It's crazy because we almost always forget they even exist! I’m not talking about the boy next door, or your dad - no, I’m talking about the men who never age, never change, the men who will be with you for life.
1. Bill
Bill is one of the men who will be with you for life. He is all take, take, take. He’s useless, he thinks your pockets are bottomless and is always calling you for a handout. Every day of your life he sends you letters, but they’re not love letters – oh no! Bill’s letters come in a window envelope. I personally dread hearing from him every month. This relationship is definitely one you can’t live with, but will never live without. Ugh.
2. Jim (Gym)
Mr. Dependable, Jim (Gym) is like the rock. His door is always open and he is always welcoming. He is strong, non-judgmental, supportive, but he can be tough and physically demanding. You want to commit to him, but more often than not, you let him down. I personally tend to leave him hanging while seeking comfort in the company of Ben and Jerry.
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3. Dick
This man is one you want but the problem with him is he completely and utterly lacks a brain or any emotional connection. He’s exciting and up for anything... and I mean ANYTHING. Make sure you protect yourself around him though because he has a tendency to leave women with excess baggage, if you know what I mean…
4. Cash
Cash comes and goes, every day. I constantly find myself working hard to make this relationship grow and end up getting absolutely nowhere. I guess it's because Cash is so tight with Bill and sometimes I don’t even get a look in. Occasionally Cash will reward me for my hard work by taking me on a holiday or buying me nice jewelry. However, let’s face it ladies. Cash and Bill have the ultimate bromance.
5. Jack
There are a couple of Jacks I've heard about in my lifetime, but to be honest, I tend to steer clear of both of them. One is called Jack Daniels and the other is often referred to as The Jack. These guys are toxic. If you spend a night in Jack Daniels' arms you are likely to be legless and wake up with a very shady memory of what happened. If you spend a night with the other do yourself a favor, book in for an STD check at the clinic because you just might have THE JACK.
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6. Ben and Jerry
Oh how I love these guys. They're like the dynamic duo. These are the knock around boys who are easily accessible. They accept us when we are chained to the couch in our tracky dacks, watching re-runs of really bad reality television. Ben and Jerry are the duo that will keep us company by providing us with lots of comfort during our moments of self-loathing.
7. Oscar
Oscar is the golden boy. Flashy and sophisticated, Oscar is all glitz and glamour and only pops around to see us once a year. He has all the celebrity contacts and it's guaranteed he will entertain you and millions of others just like you. Everyone wants to know Oscar. Some of the more ambitious star struck folks even want have him in their home at least once in their lifetime.
Just when you thought you didn't have a man in your life, now you can see there are men aplenty. I'm sure I've forgotten one or two other key men that will be with us for life. Who’s been forgotten?
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