If you have had the misfortune of being arrested for being a naughty girl (or boy), there are certain things you should never say to a police officer, as it's likely to do you more harm than good. If you have ever been stopped by the police, you will know what a nerve-wracking experience it is. I don't know about you but whenever I'm driving and a police car is behind me and even though I know I have done nothing wrong, I break out into a cold sweat, am overcome with feelings of guilt for no apparent reason and have this fear of doing something wrong solely because they're behind me. Here are some things you should never say to a police officer if you are ever stopped.
1. "You're Kinda Short for a Police Officer."
Insulting a police officer because of the fact they're clearly vertically challenged, is never a good idea. As tempting as it might be to ask whether they ever auditioned for a part in Snow White and NOT the role of the prince, don't. It will just make matters worse. This is just one of the many things you should never say to a police officer.
2. "I Was Speeding, What about You?"
You were speeding, they caught you, end of story. Trying to get out of it by saying that THEY were speeding too just wont work - they're allowed to!
3. "I Wanted to Join the Police Force when I Was Growing up, then I Did Really Well in College."
Again, the last thing you want to do is insult them by insinuating they are anything but the cleverest person you have encountered so far that day. They've worked hard to get to where they are and pass all their entrance exams and it must be really challenging to learn where ALL the doughnut shops are in the area.
4. "so, when do the Rest of the Village People Get Here?"
Whatever you do, don't start doing your rendition of the YMCA - as tempting as it may be. They are not in fancy dress and that IS their actual uniform.
5. "Handcuffs? Yeah, Let's Go for It Big Boy!"
He or she does not want to get kinky with you. They're doing their job and suggesting a quick fumble in the back seat is likely to get you into more trouble. Trust me on this one.
6. "of Course You Can Search the Car Officer... Just Stay Away from the Trunk"
This is another sentence you shouldn't utter in the presence of a police officer. Red rag to a bull anyone?
7. "so, Did the Doughnut Shop Close Early Today?"
Another insult and stereotype you should steer clear of. Remember, police officers don't just sit around eating doughnuts all day...they eat Twinkies too!
8. "I've Always Wanted to Know What a Taser Gun Feels like"
You don't really want to know what it feels like. By the looks of it, it's actually quite painful. Don't suggest they try it out on you and don't give them cause to either.
9. "Come on, Let's Have a Bit of Fun by Re-enacting Those Car Chases from Beverly Hills Cop"
Trying to persuade a police officer to engage in some clandestine car chasing for your pleasure, is not wise. So if you don't want points on your licence and a fine for your troubles, it's best to steer clear of this one. They're unlikely to see the funny side.
So, if you are ever stopped by a police officer in the future, firstly, shame on you and secondly, just make sure you don't say any of the above, as you don't want to spend the night in the cells or exacerbate the situation. Can you think of any more unwise utterances?