All Women's Talk

11 Rhetorical Questions That Might Not or Can Ever Be Answered ...

By Neecey

I thought we’d have a bit of fun with some rhetorical questions. A dictionary definition of a rhetorical question is a “statement that is formulated as a question but that is not supposed to be answered.” What I like is that there are some rhetorical questions that can’t ever or should never be answered. Shall we go through a few together?

1 Who’s Making All This Noise?

You!

This is one of the most commonly heard rhetorical questions you hear in schools. The class students are moving from one class to another down the hall, and the teacher with a big vein in his head roars out of his classroom shouting, “Who’s making all this noise?” for a pedantic student to reply “You are.”

2 Have You Seen the Dirt in Your Ears?

No!

Why do mothers ask this sort of thing? It is hard enough to get a glance at the back of your head using five mirrors, so getting a look in two small cavities at the side of your head is almost impossible.

3 Are You Deaf?

What?

This is one of the world’s most commonly used rhetorical questions. Surely, in the history of the world, there is somebody who figured out the flaw in this question. Surely there must be one person who spotted that it answers itself by a mere response. It is nowhere near the same as asking someone if they are blind unless you happen to ask it with a mime artist.

4 How Many Times do I Have to Tell You?

Until I do it!

This is another one that mothers hurl at children, just like when they say, “I’ve told you a million times to stop exaggerating.” Then they follow up with “I’m not telling you again,” which is really playing into the child’s hands.

5 Are You Still Awake?

No.

There is only really one response to this question. It is the same fractured logic as in asking a ghost to knock twice if it is there. If it knocked just once then would everybody go home?

6 Why Isn't "phonetic" Spelled the Way It Sounds?

You are a genius.

'Nuff said on this one. It is similar to the Family Guy joke about the word gullible not being in the dictionary.

7 How do They Stick Teflon to the Pan if Teflon Doesn’t Stick to Anything?

Erm…

This is one of THE great rhetorical questions. It is a weird idea since the manufacturers are basically saying that nothing sticks to Teflon except for the bottom of frying pans. It is in the realms of who knows for this one, and like asking your mother what procrastination means, only for her to tell you later.

8 Do You Think Crime Pays? Crime Doesn’t Pay!

Neither does volunteering.

The worst thing is that the old saying is, “The best things in life are free,” so technically it is no bad thing that crime doesn’t pay.

9 Do I Need to Water the Plants in Your Pond?

Only if your name is April…(April Fools).

If you ever have a garden pond with plants in, and then invite your neighbor’s kid around to water the garden, you may wonder about our country if that child tries to water your pond plants.

10 What Does Cheese Say when It Has Its Photo Taken?

Click?

The Chinese monks may have had to take a lot longer to find enlightenment if they had known about this little rhetorical question problem.

11 Do Kids That Won’t Nap Get Charged with Resisting a Rest?

Depends if the kid is deaf and taken to court, otherwise the hearing may be dismissed. Do ballerinas walk on their toes because they feel too short? Can you be scared half to death twice as much? Are oceans rising because we are over harvesting sponges? Not all rhetorical questions, but they are worthy of scholars' attention for years to come. But, the next thing you may want to consider is, why are there floatation devices under your plane seat instead of parachutes? Or, you could ask yourself why fish don’t get cramp after eating.

When you enter the realm of rhetorical questions you could find yourself at a dead end or going round in circles so much that you teeth itch. I love the nuances of language and this is just one aspect that leaves me scratching my head in amusement. I’d love you to share you daftest or favorite rhetorical questions.

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