All Women's Talk

The 17 Funniest Lines to Use when Dumping Him ...

By Holly

Sometimes, your boyfriend doesn't deserve your respect. After all, if he treats you poorly, why wouldn't you treat him poorly? You shouldn't be so sweet and subtle when breaking up with a pig. So here are some of the funniest lines you can use when dumping him:

1 Is It Hot in Here or Are You Just Suffocating Me?

Is It Hot in Here or Are You Just Suffocating Me? Here's an easy way to bring your breakup up in the middle of a casual conversation. Take off your sweater, fan yourself, and then hit him with this line.

2 I Now Pronounce You Dumped and Single

I Now Pronounce You Dumped and Single If two people can get pronounced married, then why can't they get pronounced dumped?

3 You Deserve Better and so do I

You Deserve Better and so do I This is the cold, hard truth. In fact, it's really a compliment, but he probably won't see it that way.

4 I'd Rather Masturbate than Be with You

I'd Rather Masturbate than Be with You If masturbation makes you happier than a man, why would you bother to go out on any dates?

5 My Dog Doesn't Approve of You

My Dog Doesn't Approve of You It doesn't really matter what your parents or best friends think of your boyfriend. But your dog's opinion? Now that's important.

6 I Want to Terminate Our Couple's Contract

I Want to Terminate Our Couple's Contract This sounds like something Sheldon Cooper would say, but it'll get your point across.

7 You’re Not Mr. Right – Just Mr. Right Now

You’re Not Mr. Right – Just Mr. Right Now Some men aren't meant to be around forever. They're just a temporary thing.

8 I’ll Always Remember Last Night, but I Think We Can Forget about Tomorrow

I’ll Always Remember Last Night, but I Think We Can Forget about Tomorrow This will let him know that you'll always remember the good times you've shared.

9 If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Probably Me

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Probably Me Don't pretend you're going to call if you aren't. It's just plain rude.

10 Are You Being Followed? Because I'm Seeing People behind Your Back

Are You Being Followed? Because I'm Seeing People behind Your Back If you're cheating, here's a quick way to let him know.

11 It's Not You. It's Your Taste in Music

It's Not You. It's Your Taste in Music If you can't decide on a radio station together, how could you stay together?

12 I'm Cancelling My Subscription. I'm Tired of All Your Issues

I'm Cancelling My Subscription. I'm Tired of All Your Issues There's no classier way to say that he has some major problems.

13 Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Want to Break up Because I Never Loved You

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Want to Break up Because I Never Loved You If you use this line, he can't complain about you never writing him poetry.

14 I Can't Date Guys Who Are Still Attached to Their Mother's Umbilical Cord

I Can't Date Guys Who Are Still Attached to Their Mother's Umbilical Cord This is the harshest way of calling him a mama's boy, but if the shoe fits...

15 There Just Isn't Room in My Life Right Now for Both You and My Vibrator

There Just Isn't Room in My Life Right Now for Both You and My Vibrator Why would you need a man in your life when your vibrator can make you just as happy as he can?

16 Just so You Know, I'm Changing My FB Status to Single

Just so You Know, I'm Changing My FB Status to Single Telling him this is better than him logging onto Facebook and finding out the hard way.

17 It’s Not Me. It’s You

It’s Not Me. It’s You This is a twist on the classic line we all know and love. He might be so upset over the breakup that he won't even realized you said the words wrong.

You probably shouldn't use any of these on your boyfriend, unless you want to shatter his heart, but it's certainly nice to think about. What's the funniest breakup line you can think of off of the top of your head?

Please rate this article

More

Comments

Popular

Recent