Sometimes, your boyfriend doesn't deserve your respect. After all, if he treats you poorly, why wouldn't you treat him poorly? You shouldn't be so sweet and subtle when breaking up with a pig. So here are some of the funniest lines you can use when dumping him:
Table of contents:
- is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me?
- i now pronounce you dumped and single
- you deserve better and so do i
- i'd rather masturbate than be with you
- my dog doesn't approve of you
- i want to terminate our couple's contract
- you’re not mr. right – just mr. right now
- i’ll always remember last night, but i think we can forget about tomorrow
- if the phone doesn't ring, it's probably me
- are you being followed? because i'm seeing people behind your back
- it's not you. it's your taste in music
- i'm cancelling my subscription. i'm tired of all your issues
- roses are red, violets are blue, i want to break up because i never loved you
- i can't date guys who are still attached to their mother's umbilical cord
- there just isn't room in my life right now for both you and my vibrator
- just so you know, i'm changing my fb status to single
- it’s not me. it’s you
1 Is It Hot in Here or Are You Just Suffocating Me?
Here's an easy way to bring your breakup up in the middle of a casual conversation. Take off your sweater, fan yourself, and then hit him with this line.
2 I Now Pronounce You Dumped and Single
If two people can get pronounced married, then why can't they get pronounced dumped?
3 You Deserve Better and so do I
This is the cold, hard truth. In fact, it's really a compliment, but he probably won't see it that way.
4 I'd Rather Masturbate than Be with You
If masturbation makes you happier than a man, why would you bother to go out on any dates?
5 My Dog Doesn't Approve of You
It doesn't really matter what your parents or best friends think of your boyfriend. But your dog's opinion? Now that's important.
6 I Want to Terminate Our Couple's Contract
This sounds like something Sheldon Cooper would say, but it'll get your point across.
7 You’re Not Mr. Right – Just Mr. Right Now
Some men aren't meant to be around forever. They're just a temporary thing.
8 I’ll Always Remember Last Night, but I Think We Can Forget about Tomorrow
This will let him know that you'll always remember the good times you've shared.
9 If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Probably Me
Don't pretend you're going to call if you aren't. It's just plain rude.
10 Are You Being Followed? Because I'm Seeing People behind Your Back
If you're cheating, here's a quick way to let him know.
11 It's Not You. It's Your Taste in Music
If you can't decide on a radio station together, how could you stay together?
12 I'm Cancelling My Subscription. I'm Tired of All Your Issues
There's no classier way to say that he has some major problems.
13 Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Want to Break up Because I Never Loved You
If you use this line, he can't complain about you never writing him poetry.
14 I Can't Date Guys Who Are Still Attached to Their Mother's Umbilical Cord
This is the harshest way of calling him a mama's boy, but if the shoe fits...
15 There Just Isn't Room in My Life Right Now for Both You and My Vibrator
Why would you need a man in your life when your vibrator can make you just as happy as he can?
16 Just so You Know, I'm Changing My FB Status to Single
Telling him this is better than him logging onto Facebook and finding out the hard way.
17 It’s Not Me. It’s You
This is a twist on the classic line we all know and love. He might be so upset over the breakup that he won't even realized you said the words wrong.
You probably shouldn't use any of these on your boyfriend, unless you want to shatter his heart, but it's certainly nice to think about. What's the funniest breakup line you can think of off of the top of your head?
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