All Women's Talk

7 Things You Don't Want to Hear on a First Date ...

By Rosalina

So, you've landed that first date with the guy or gal you have had your eye on for a while and there are so many sweet nothings you would love to hear whispered in your ear, but there are certain things you don't want to hear on a first date and that will probably signal the end of what could have been a romantic evening. Whether it's a first date with someone you have been admiring for a while or someone with whom you have been set up on a blind date, these are some of the things you don't want to hear on a first date

1 "Ignore My Mom, She Comes Everywhere with Me"

Being close to one's mother is not a crime - I'm not talking Norman Bates close, but the type of closeness which shows that they respect their mother and are therefore likely to respect you. But come on, surely you guys don't need a chaperone and if they bring Mother Dear along for the date, I think it's time to make your excuses as this is one of the top things you don't want to hear on a first date.

2 "Would You Mind if I Put My Cellphone on the Table? I'm Expecting a Call from My Parole Officer"

We all make mistakes along the way in life and maybe they haven't committed a crime which means you should run a mile. On the other hand, they may have done, and the last thing you want is to invite them in for a cup of tea and find that your TV and vintage jewellery collection is gone before you can say "milk and sugar?"

3 "Waiter, Can I Have a Cushion Please, These Anal Crabs Hurt like Hell!"

The classic STI warning. It's great that your date is making it clear from the outset that unprotected sex or any form of physical contact for that matter, is off the table. You just don't want to hear it as you're about to dip your piece of crusty ciabatta in the chilli oil!

4 "You Looked so Much Prettier in the Picture"

Let's face it. These are words that no date wants to hear and is code for "you're such a disappointment." Perhaps stand up politely, make your excuses and leave with something equally as insulting like "I'm sorry, on reflection I really don't think I'm your type. I'm not inflatable."

5 "I Could do with Some Laundry Advice, How do I Get Rid of Blood Stains?"

These words will do nothing but make your mind race. It could be innocent of course and they could simply be talking about the stains caused by a nose bleed, so don't discount them purely on the basis of this utterance alone. It's if the questions develop further into "How long does it take for a body to decompose?" and "where do you think the best places to hide a body might be?" that you may need to swiftly make your excuses.

6 (Takes Your Hands and Leans Forward) "Marry Me, Please, I'm Desperate!"

It's wonderful that your date is showing an interest but there's showing an interest and there's pure desperation. This is clearly the latter.

7 "Excuse Me, I Just Need to Send a Text to Give the Go Ahead on the Detonation"

So, your potential mate likes to see things go BOOM in the night. No matter. Just make sure you hide all potential incendiary devices in the future.

These are just a few things you never want to hear from your date. Can you think of any others? Or maybe you have heard some gems on dates you have been on? I would love to hear.

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